In today’s world, with instances of bullying occurring at all ages, healthy emotional development is critical to seeing our children become successful as preschool, elementary, middle school and high school students.
How can a parent help to foster healthy self-esteem in a child? Here are some great tips to begin your journey to healthy self-esteem. These tips can make a big difference.
Be careful what you say
Kids can be sensitive to what you say. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for effort. But be honest. For example, if your child doesn’t make the soccer team, avoid saying something like, “Well, next time you will work harder and make it.” Instead, try “You didn’t make the team, but I’m really proud of the effort you put into it.” Reward effort and completion, instead of the outcome.
Be a positive role model
If you’re excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your kids might eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem and they will have a great role model.
Identify and redirect inaccurate beliefs
It’s important for parents to identify a child’s irrational beliefs, whether they have beliefs about perfection, attractiveness, ability or anything else. Helping kids set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating themselves will help them have a healthy self-image.
Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and become reality for children. For example, a child who does very well in school, but struggles with math may say, “I can’t do math. I’m a bad student.” Not only is this a false generalization, it’s also a belief that can set a child up for failure. Encourage your kids to see a situation in a more objective way. A helpful response might be, “You’re a good student. You do great in school. Math is a subject that you need to spend more time on. We’ll work on it together.”
Create a safe, loving home environment
Kids who don’t feel safe or are abused at home are at the greatest risk for developing poor self-esteem. A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may feel they have no control over their environment. They may become helpless or depressed.
Also, watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers and other factors that may affect a child’s self-esteem. Encourage your kids to talk to you or other trusted adults about solving problems that are too big to solve by themselves.
Be spontaneous and affectionate
Your love will help boost your child’s self-esteem. Give hugs and tell your kids you’re proud of them when you can see that they’re putting effort toward something or trying something at which they previously failed. Put notes in your child’s lunchbox with messages like, “I think you’re terrific.”
Give praise often and honestly, but without overdoing it. Having an inflated sense of self can lead kids and teens to put others down or feel that they’re better than everyone else, which can be socially isolating.
Give positive, accurate feedback
Comments like, “You always work yourself up into such a frenzy,” will make your kids feel like they have no control over their outbursts. A better statement is, “I can see you were very angry with your brother, but it was nice that you were able to talk about it instead of yelling or hitting.” This acknowledges a child’s feelings, rewards the choice made and encourages the child to make the right choice again next time.
Help kids become involved in constructive experiences
Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger child learn to read, can do wonders for both kids. Volunteering and contributing to your local community can have positive effects on self-esteem for everyone involved.
Please remember that self-esteem is a child’s greatest defense against the challenges of the world. It’s our responsibility as parents to raise our children “up” to all that they can be.
